“Our Minds, As well as our Bodies, have need for the Out-of-doors. Our Spirits, too, need simple things, elemental things, the sun, the wind an the rain, moonlight and starlight, sunrise and mist and mossy forest trails, the perfumes of dawn and the smell of fresh turned Earth and the ancient music of wind among the trees…”
Edwin Way Teale
Yesterday,
To quote Mary Poppins, was “Practically Perfect in Every Way”.
Made even more so… by i’ts IMPERFECTIONS.
What was so special about yesterday?
The Divine Ordinary in the Sacred Everyday.
Here’s the highlight Reel:
I got to spend the day with one of my Favorite people on the planet, immersed on the land.
I cannot even begin to describe all the magic, but I’ll try.
The dappled sunlight through the canopy of leaves that danced through the brilliant hues of the blanket of green on the forest Floor
The rhythm of the waves as they crashed the beach, and the rocks on the shoreline
The insistent caress of a leafy branch against my cheek as we sat and watched the waves, and listened.
The Beauty of a majestic mature Eagle and a Juvenile as they soared by so close it felt like it was a show just for us…
HUNDREDS of Frogs as we hiked the GrassyTrail to the sand Point, a criss-crossing frenzy of Green , yellow stripes and brown spots
Making a Mandala on the Beach, a time to spend going in and reflecting in Gratitude
Finding Deer Tracks on the Beach
GIANT lily pads!
Feeling the Buoyancy of the waves as it supported my body as I floated on my back and let go, feeling the warmth of the sun on my face, and the cool refreshing water surrounding me… cleansing, invigorating and Awakening.
Receiving and Reflecting on the elemental messages of support, Abundance and Letting Go.
It’s May again and that means it’s Mental Health Awareness Month!
You can donate your time, talents, or treasure to some amazingly worthwhile and meaningful organizations that focus on ending the stigma of mental health struggles. In theory, there has never been this much transparency, resources, and support available to those in crisis than there is in this current moment in history. And this indeed… IS progress.
But… (you knew there would be a but, didn’t you?)
Bottom line though, in reality…?
WE NEED TO DO BETTER.
WE NEED TO DO MORE.
Because of this I’d like to focus on the very real issues of AVAILABILITY and ACCESSIBILITY to services and support, WHEN they are needed and WHERE they are needed-because frankly, WE ARE DROPPING THE BALL.
RIGHT NOW we could be doing more (look for more on this topic in the coming days and weeks).
Availability and Accessibility
Deliberation by Mario Sanchez
Right now waitlists to see a therapist or mental health professional in addition to any higher level of care programs are at an all time high…
Today? Individuals that I work with have been waiting for a higher level of care admission for two months and counting.
My friends’ children have been on a waitlist for services for MONTHS and even just an initial mental health assessment? This option is currently nonexistent.
So what can we offer to these humans who are suffering, to these families in pain, while they continue to wait?
Thoughts and Prayers? While good thoughts and positivity are welcome, it’s just not enough anymore.
So what can we do in the practical, in the here and now?
We have been talking for YEARS now about ending the stigma of mental illness, and we’ve made progress, but we still have work to do. Think about what happens when one does finally reach out for help, for support, for resources, but is just met with….the void.
I guess my first question:
How can we fill this void?
Full disclosure and Disclaimer:
I don’t have the answers. What I do have is ideas about what can help.
To approach these issues from the front lines is admittedly difficult to do.
We need to address and talk about mental health from day one, from as early as birth… damage control in the later years certainly isn’t the logical place to begin or intervene.
Yet, here we are, in a (post?) pandemic world, with a war raging in the Ukraine, a near civil war going on at home, a political shitshow society, in a TikTok augmented reality social culture.
A more connected, yet less CONNECTED culture than ever before.
Identity crisis??!!
Damage control??
How do we help people out of the void?
How do we effectively guide others back home to themselves?
How do we foster within ourselves the hope, the connection, the LOVE that is a fundamental requirement for healing the world?!
How do we bring back the child-like mind of curiosity, wonder and AWE?
How do we foster this in ourselves, so that it spills into others?!
I would like to suggest with all the love and respect that I can possibly muster…
WE NEED TO WAKE UP.
To the work that’s being done all around us, outside of the Proverbial Box.
I would like to suggest that egos be dropped and set aside.
I would like to suggest that doctors, clinicians, therapists, and healers from all walks and all disciplines start working together and be given the Permission to do so by their governing bodies.
As a Nature Connected Transformational Guide, I operate under the umbrella of CAM (complementary and alternative Medicine). I do not treat, diagnose, or prescribe. However, Often.. I do refer to clinicians who do and often encourage collaborative action. Yet I can count on less than one hand the times that bridge has been traveled both ways.
I would like to suggest that bottom lines and profits, big Pharma, and “best practices” be replaced by connections and symbiotic relationships.
I would like to suggest a return to the Roots.
Relation. Ritual. Ceremonial Return to Nature.
Ceremony and Ritual
As John O’Donohue Beautifully writes:
“What you encounter, recognize, or discover depends to a large degree on the quality of your approach. Many of the ancient cultures practiced careful rituals of approach.. An encounter of depth and spirit was preceded by careful preparation.”
CAREFUL PREPARATION.
Sounds novel to today’s ears, doesn’t it?
Why should access to mental health services and supports rely solely on access to health insurance?
Why aren’t more clinicians, doctors, and therapists given the permission to look outside of the box in the interest of helping patients heal?
Why is the revolving door of mental health treatment evaluated through the lens of what is PROFITABLE versus what is EFFECTIVE?!
So how do we fill this void?
For me, it’s shining a little flashlight on another way. A way that works, because it’s designed to be FOR YOU, in tandem with whatever YOU need.
Curious. In Tandem. In Connection. With Self, Nature, Western Medicine, Eastern Thought,
Earth
Conscious.
Aligned and Alive.
Hopeful….
The opposite of the VOID.
I challenge us all to ponder the question and emphatically implore curiosity in the realms of REFORM, personal responsibility and a noticing of the NEED to WAKE UP, CONNECT, and COLLABORATE.
Consider … What does this call to action mean to me?
Namaste. Stay Wild.
Suez Nields
As always, Comments and Positive Engagement and Conscious Thought Dialogue Welcome!
#TWLOHA (To Write Love on her Arms) Crisis Text line : text TWLOHA to 741741
#SSS (Stop Soldier Suicide)
#22aday
#tilvalhallproject
#NAMI
National Suicide Prevention Hotline (800) 273-8255
The Trevor Project (866) 488-7386
Trans Lifeline (877) 565-8860
Contact Suez Nields at Anam Treo, LLC for Collaboration!
“In the Wilderness, there is space for your fear and your grief, there is space for your Anger and your JOY , and there’s space for your tears. Bust most of all, in the WIlderness, there’s space for you to find your own sort of PEACE.”
Lance Garland
I’ve previously written about how, in my own healing transformational journey, that nature-connection played a vital role. Today, I’d like to explore some of the ways that science, and actual research, support the theory that indeed, connecting deeply with Nature can be a key component to unlocking a sustainable, lasting life lived in Recovery and Right Relationship with Self, Others and the Land.
First… What is Nature Connection?
The Culture in which most of us live our day to day lives in 2022, has moved further and further away from outer concepts and connections to the natural world all around us, than ever before. Being connected to nature implies being attuned to both the cycles of the natural world, amnd attuned and aligned to our own innate inner cycles and knowings.
Nature is Medicine and Medicine, is healing.
Nature-Connection Enhances Sensory Awareness
~When our senses come online…. we are much more able to make decisions from a place of clarity, and apt to see the world from a larger, less encumbered point of view.
Experiences in Nature are filled with variables that must be met as they arise.
~Fosters openness,agility and adaptability that in turn, builds up resilience in the face of adversity and the unknown.
Nature -Connection inspires Ritual and Ceremony
~In order to Transform, in essence to change mindset…. It requires Old patterns and Belief systems to be replaced. We have as humans, mechanisms in our brains that have evolved over time that involve Myth, Ritual and Ceremony to ingrain these stories into the very fiber of who we are. Rituals, are the practice of belief. Ceremony … is what we pay attention to as important.
To go into the WILDERNESSis to face the shadow of wild nature at it’s Source.
Connection to nature gifts us with a sense of Union with something that is lasting, that is of enormous importance, and is larger than individual self.
Connection to nature enhances Self-worth
~Wilderness is a metaphor for life. It boosts confidence, reduces anxiety and can reduce aggression.
Studies have confirmed that spending time among the trees can reduce psychological stress, depressive symptoms and hostility while also Improving sleep, increasing vigor and vitality, lowering levels of Cortisol,lowering blood pressure and heart rates.
~even being in in nature for short periods of time, or even having it within view can reduce the stress hormones and improve immune defense!
In FMRI studies, desirable views fire up opioid receptors in the brain ( parahippocampal gyrus)that have the potential to lead people to dwell less on negative memories, be better able to form emotional bonds and to focus more on the positive.
MORE Joy,contentment,vitality, interest and LOVE.
LESS Anger, resentment, guilt, fear shame and Melancholy.
I’d take an RX for that, hands down, any day!
Wild Wellness Nature Connection and Recovery Group coming soon to Anam Treo, LLC
Well, It’s been waaay more than a minute since I’ve put pen to paper ( literally, I am that old school, and pen and paper are part of my process!) at least on the personal side of life, anyway. There has been so much happening behind the scenes. I’ve been juggling all the balls and the “writing the blog” ball just got suspended mid-air, while I attended to the others.
“What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?”
For Me, when time stopped and the whole world was caught in the unknown , when COVID’s grip forced us all to slow down and look inward (at least that was the way I chose to Frame it.. To me, it was a gift) it gave me the time and space to explore where I wanted to go next. I was searching for a way to marry, and ALIGN who I AM, with what I DO out in the world.
I wanted to connect my love for nature and my absolute belief in Nature’s ability to heal and to facilitate change and transformational growth, and my passion for helping others.
I spent a lot of time connecting to soul. And true to the “nature” of our Inner Wilderness, Once I landed there … it was there the answers were revealed, once I really began to listen.
I embarked on a six week online Nature Connected Leadership Course through the Earth-Based Institute out of Boulder Colorado, which was Truly, Life Changing . It led me to pursue Continuing Education through EBI’s Nature-Connected Coaching program. A yearlong , Intensive Hybrid of In-person and Online Training.
I am proud to shout it from the Mountaintop that:
I Am a Nature-Connected Transformational Guide.
I am pleased to offer services through my private practice :
WELP…. I didn’t get the full story posted before Mental Health Awareness Month ended.. But you know what? It’s ok. It’s ok for many reasons, here are two; Mental Health Awareness shouldn’t take a back seat because the designated ( and further- designated by whom, exactly?) month is over. There was a time in my life where I would have clung to all sorts of negative judgements about not meeting a deadline, even a self- imposed one, often to the point of “throwing the baby out with the bath water”, or never getting started in the first place. And because the mission is that important to me, and because I don’t do that to myself anymore( much) here is the next part of MY STORY.
I’m gonna put this right here….
I have been unbelievably and unfathomably supported by quite possibly the greatest human on the planet, and I get to call him Husband. (Pinch me, I STILL get to call him that.) Throughout this journey he has remained by my side, pushing me when I needed it, letting me flail, and fail when I needed that. Ignoring the people who asked him WHY he would stay…. And even when I at my lowest… doubted it was the best thing for him to stay. He Stayed. He believed in me when I couldn’t believe in me. He stayed with me in the dark. He’s a fixer… BUT HE COULDN”T FIX THIS.
ACCOUNTABILTY AND COMMITMENT
Assembling a Dream Team of providers who either aligned with my beliefs, or at bare minimum were willing to think outside of the proverbial box, who LISTENED and were willing to do the deep dive WITH me in Partnership, yet with me as the QB, Master of the Outcome. After all, whose life were we out to save?????
A medical team outside of the “BIG 2”. Not driven by the numbers and the revolving door. People who spent the TIME to get to know me ( trust issues and all, flaws and all) as a person and not just as a patient. I found them in the most unexpected place – the HOSPITAL. (yes, I loathe Hospitals…. yet somehow this was gonna be the place I needed to be.) I got 3 of the most Amazing Doctors. They went ALL IN for me. They monitored me physically and threw the life preserver to me when it was deemed medically necessary. Sometimes I’d even listen and began to trust to the extent that it was possible. Not Always. but… They STAYED and they WALKED BESIDE ME.
A Therapist who specialized in Eating Disorders, yet who had left both local centers. While centers weren’t for me… therapy most certainly was a critical tool in my belt. Having someone to connect with on a regular basis and most importantly AVAILABLE when I was in crisis. My Therapist is not only wise, she actually walked the same road before me, so her insight was PRICELESS . Still is , Every Week. SHE STAYED AND WALKED BESIDE ME.
An RD who also had left the “BIG 2”. Who practiced functional medicine who also understood the implications of GI complications.Who also, took the time to know me as a human. Who challenged me, and held my feet to the fire, SHE STAYED AND WALKED BESIDE ME
A second Therapist who was willing to look beyond the lens of the broken, disease model. Who introduced concepts to me regarding purpose and mentorship and we talked about archetypes and philosophies and we merged different things ‘till we found a groove that yielded results! HE STAYED AND WALKED BESIDE ME
*An Insurance Case Coordinator who became connected, invested and INVALUABLE. SHE STAYED AND WALKED BESIDE ME
*I Read, ALOT. I relied on quotes to get me through. Mantras. I have what I refer to as “Pocket People”. Authors who resonated with me, who were mentors and Gurus that I’ll probably never meet, but I carry them with me. THEY PAVED THE WAY. TRAILBLAZERS. ILLUMINATORS. LIGHTHOUSES.
*I connected deeply with Nature.
I found that the place where I can fully breathe, is among the trees. I started ever so slowly, which was frustrating at times. I started with drives with hop outs to breathe, and I looked for every way to bring the outdoors in. Essential oils, candles, photos.Then walks. Then Long walks, then hikes. then thru hikes, backpacking, then PEAKS!! NATURE IS ALWAYS AROUND ME. WITHIN ME.
*I EMBRACED THE SUCK.
AND BOY O BOY DID IT SUCK. ALOT! BUT…then it didn’t.
*I began to live my life “AS IF.” What would I do if I could? If I weren’t as so many had told me, as I believed myself to be… so broken?
I Became Strong ( Not just strong-willed.)
I LIVED MY BRAVE.
I’m reconnecting to a spirituality that I had abandoned long ago, that resonates in my core, my essence. I AM that Woman.
Yes, I’m spiritual. Yes, I’m Love and Light but don’t for one second think that I won’t whack someone upside the head with my Broom, if need be!!
And Lastly , but most importantly, I learned that not everybody is Safe, not everyone has earned all of my story. I am BEYOND blessed to have the love and support of an amazing spouse and and adventuring partner, amazing offspring and a Grandson who have brought new leases and new and incredible joy and adventure to my life. Loving, loyal and adventurous friends and the loyalty and love of my old Trail girl, Winnie-the-Poohdle, and My new Trail buddy, Roo La Roux. Never underestimate the healing power of a companion animal.
THEY STAYED AND WALKED BESIDE ME.
I have learned that I get to Choose who sits on my Council and who DOESN’T get a seat around my fire.
Thank you for helping me level up to the next phase-which is to share my Journey, in the hopes of being a lighthouse for others, as those before me.
“Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining. ” – Anne Lamott
I’ll leave you with this:
HOLDING SPACE = Listening With Empathy, Emotionally Connecting, withholding judgement and communicating that incredibly healing message :
May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and I didn’t want it to fly by so fast, as life is wont to do, without the spotlight switched on, in particular to the AWARENESS piece.
This is where I pause, Take a Big Breath, then mentally and soulfully grab the hands of all that have journeyed beside me, held me up and those that lit the path and led the way. And I begin to share my story.
WHY??
“Tell the story of the Mountain you climbed. Your words could become a page in someone else’s Survival Guide ”
~Morgan Harper Nichols
My name is Sue. Other identifiers that I claim: Suez, Susan if you want to get my full attention, Love, Hun, Mom, Mother, YaYa, HEY YOU! She/Her and… SURVIVOR
In some Circles, RECOVERED would also be inserted, but the way I view it, I’m evolving still and hope always to be.
FREE from a severe and life threatening Eating Disorder that had a savage grip for 35 years? YES!!!
FREE from Childhood/Adolescent trauma? ALSO, YES!!
FREE from Depression /Anxiety? Most Days, NOT All the Days.
FREE from Chronic Pain? Most Days, NOT all the Days.
So… WHAT SHIFTED?!!
How was I able to go from an Often Bedridden, Often Hospitalized, In and Out of Treatment Centers, Permanent Feeding Tube Life to
An Amazing Life Filled with Adventure, Fulfillment and Health?
I want to give you a short bit of a backstory… not to minimize the importance of the past but because thats where all that lives, in the back… and while we don’t move in that direction, it helps to speak to the WHY and eventually the HOW.
My Birth Mother surrendered me at birth.
Physical/emotional/sexual abuse survivor.
My Adoptive Mother died unexpectedly when I was 16.
My Adoptive Father couldn’t cope with parenting through the loss, so he didn’t.
Fertile Ground for a genetic propensity for an Eating Disorder and PTSD to take Root in, Ya Think?!
*add in also a generational history of Anxiety and Depression and history of GI issues for good measure.
First suicide attempt at 17.
Also worth noting:
Married at 19.
First Child at 20.
Divorced, Bankrupt and reeling by 23.
My first “official” treatment specific to an Eating Disorder didn’t happen until I was nearly 30 years old, though I had been in therapy for years.
I bounced in and out of different treatments, both locally and 2 stints out of State.
I’ll insert this here and now and I may mention it again, with the disclaimer that this is MY story and MY road, it’s not to say that treatment centers are ALL bad and that you shouldn’t ever do it. THATS not my point, so if you walk away from this story with that, then we’ve both failed this mission!
I, personally 100% DO NOT BELIEVE IN COOKIE CUTTER TREATMENTS, INSURANCE LED, “EVIDENCE BASED “ MODALITIES ( FOLLOW THE MONEY…) I never have. Which was problematic when I’d end up immersed in it.
I wasn’t yet aware of the options that my inner self and guides were desperately trying to lead me to.
Little did I know that the progression would take as long as it did. It was a Looooooong Road.
I was Labelled “Treatment Resistant”
hmmmm…
We could unpack all that, but we don’t have the time here today, and quite honestly I’d prefer to spend our time here to talk about what DID work VS. what so clearly did not, quite the opposite- it actually did FAR MORE DAMAGE. I will say this before I move on…. In my journey I have experienced more Bad Therapists and Psychiatrists than good, and went through more “Flavor of the Month” therapies and “best practice” modalities than I can count.
I left my last treatment with Threats, and proclamations by the professionals of Doom and non-survivability.
but here’s the thing….
My SPARK never went out.
At times it was only a coal, an ember.
A SLOW BURN.
Properly fueled , that inner fire BECAME A RAGING INFERNO.
As is often the case with long term disorders and chronic illness, it’s often about getting enough time, SURVIVING long enough, to gather the tools to recover, which can mean several starts, stops and periods of relapse. NOT EVERYONE GETS THAT TIME. I came scarily close more than once to not.
As life happens, progress is often sidetracked,
Yet it is often in the failures that we eventually find our footing.
So, HOW?
How did I go from Face down in the Arena ( thanks Brene Brown for ALL the gems!)
To Finding the path back to Myself?
Please follow along for part II.
All Photo Credits belong to the Great Talent and Great Love of My Life: C. Nields III
Historically, Mother’s Day is not the best day for me.
Don’t get me wrong-
My Husband and Boys have worked to help me make the best of the day, and I’m so blessed that being a Mother myself has given me a greater perspective.
But when alls said and done, the anchorless reality of not having a Mother in my life nags at the subconscious and I have to fight off the demons to keep it there. My particular demons involve depression and anxiety- yours might be different but whatever drags you towards the darkness despite the light… those are them!
So If this time threatens your temporary truce with the darkness- to pull you under, What are the things that you do to stay afloat?
For me?!
I have to rally the reinforcements. Those who know me and know my story know that even this can be so hard to do. I’m not a gal who asks for help. I do pay ppl good money to help though! Good people. I have worked diligently to discover and discern what/who that looks like for me.
~I’m setting time to go Inwards, and withdraw into my thoughts, allowing myself to have them, and then allowing myself to let them go- so I can be present to the world going on around me AND NOT IN MY HEAD ALL OF THE TIME.
~I’m sharing more often about my struggles. Whether it’s in my therapists office, or in conversation with friends and family. Not everything is always “JUST FINE” or “ALRIGHT”.
~I’m focusing on time away from the things that drain me- and a big one is social media.
For me, Facebook and even Instagram can be a numbing agent and a big time suck if I’m not mindful about how I’m using it! (don’t mistake this for any kind of Anti-Stance on Social Media…..because THAT would be quite the Hypocritical post now, wouldn’t it?)
~ I get OUTSIDE. Preferably in the woods. On a trail. It’s where I breathe the best. In fact, it seems to be the only place where I can get a real deep breath. I listen to the stories the birds and the breeze tell me. I don’t OVERTHINK, Stress or Worry on trail.
~ I Try to practice GRATITUDE.
*Despite my sucky draw of the cards: I am extremely Grateful for a plethora of things!!! BECAUSE of where I have been,I believe I am a better Mother to my own kids, A better HUMAN, really.
Which leads me to this:
I TRY TO FULLY ACCEPT THE LOVE AND GIFTS OF MY CHILDREN.
This not only for me, but to honor the memory of my Mother, who showed up for me in countless ways, a daughter not of Blood, but of the heart. Who did her very best with what little time she was given by the Universe.
SO I will LISTEN with LOVE and GRATITUDE and MEMORY:
To the laughter and wonder and Innocence in my Grandsons voice,
In the WISDOM of my Youngest Son’s words,
In the unflappable LOVE of my Middle Son’s Actions
And I will HOPE for the Healing of the Hurt and Anger that surround my Oldest Son’s Heart.
AND… I will STRIVE to be the Mother that I wish my Bio Mother could be.
And I will ALLOW myself to be HONORED, and CHERISHED and not be Marred by what wasn’t and Simply…
This blog has been several years in the making, and been through many starts and stops, but I finally am ready to launch out into the world!
Welcome!!! In this space we will be sharing stories, in multiple formats, exploring places, ideas and feelings. This is a place to share both the Curated and Polished and perhaps more importantly, the Raw and Unfiltered! Please visit often, and share in the conversation by commenting! If there’s something on your mind, or something you’d like to be explored-Message me !! This is a space of curiosity, creation and love!
Footfalls and Feelings: 